Into My Svadhisthana (Part I): The Entry
I began this entry on Monday, 2/6/2012, with every intention of posting the following day. Although still incomplete, I am posting in progress because this is just getting ridiculous. At the rate I am going, I’ll never post anything. If I want to pretend to be a writer, at some point I think I’m supposed to put some cohesive ideas together.
Here is my Entry…
Present Day: January 2012.
- Just as I felt that I was grounded enough and it was time for me to begin moving from Muladhara upwards to Svadhisthana, I apparently “came down with the flu.” Yet, I would not label it as such. I had no fever, never vomited, and only some mild loss of bowl control. (Yes, I sh-arted.) What I did experience, beginning around 1:00 AM on a Friday morning, was tremendous bone penetrating body pain. Writhing and moaning I stumbled into the bed in my ‘sanctuary room’ (which I had only created exactly one month earlier, on Christmas Day). At 4:00 AM Adrian came in to wake me. I think I said something profane and then asked him to post a notice on the door of the Fitness Studio for me. I could barely make it to the bathroom, forget about getting behind the wheel of a car (be it only a four-minute drive). In five years, I have been AWOL from “Fitness Studio Duty” on only one previous occasion, and that was an accident.(1) This time it was a choice, or rather, without choice but with conscious necessity. As I lay in bed that day the pain began to subside, returning in waves and finally condensing in my abdomen & kidneys as a feeling I can best put into picture by this:
A lead ball is in my stomach and it is somehow expanding, with the intention of exploding out through my naval like “Baby Alien.” Simultaneously, I am being cinched at the waist by a band of steel, constricting ever tightly and attempting to make me look like a party clown’s balloon toy.
Initial Musings: Was this somehow the result of having really opened up and activated my Muladhara? Is it too crazy to think that the unclogging of my lifeline to the earth catalyzed some tremendous physical draining or flushing of the emotional pain (and physical trauma) that had been backed up into my Svadhisthana for all of these years?
Present Day: February 7, 2012.
- It is a full moon. However, I just learned that this one is not just your standard-order full moon. It is THE MOST IMPORTANT FULL MOON OF 2012.(2) As it happens, I had begun exploration into my Second/Sacral Chakra, Svadhisthana, only several days before this cosmic lunar event took place. Like the Water element of Svadhisthana, this chakra is ruled by the moon. Ironically, for the prior three full moons I had been making a point to stay conscious of its coming. Maybe I had some ideas about making a small gift or prayer on the eve of the full-moon, but I kept missing it! I would note it several days ahead of time, but come the eve of, I would totally forget. I was becoming quite distraught and frustrated. Yet, for some reason, this time around, I was able to hold on to this lunar awareness. On February 7, I even posted a generic comment on Facebook about the benefits of meditating during a full moon. I was still oblivious to the fact that this time, the full moon was really special. Adrian called me that afternoon, as verily as I was posting to Facebook and said, “Tonight is the full moon.” I said, “I know…” He said, “Yes, but tonight is THE Full Moon. He then told me of a ritual and mediation that we should do, which Nena had given to him for us to perform. We did. It was very special.
Reflections: One of the reasons this entry has drawn on for so long is that the more I continue to write, the more I am flooded with recollections & revelations. Just like layers of old paint; as I peel away the surface, I discover a new layer of color and awareness underneath. Or rather, I remember…because it has really been there all along…I just couldn’t see it. So, I peel back the next layer, only to find a different color and awareness; perhaps long forgotten or perhaps completely unknown to me. So far, I keep finding more layers, more colors, more awareness and for as long as I do, I suppose this entry may continue.
Here, I must digress… I failed to define Muladhara in my previous entry. In retrospect, I feel that a brief explanation for any reader …who is as unfamiliar as I am with the territory I am attempting to explore… could prove helpful.(3)
Now, before moving fully “Into My Svadhisthana,” I thought I would start with a little auto-biographical information. Until I began writing down these details, I was not fully aware of the massive quantity of landmark events (some dramatic, some traumatic) that took place during my Svadhisthana life cycle (October 2, 1979 through October 1, 1986). As I am writing about most of the events that follow, they are beginning to feel as only mere bookmarks for later elaboration under any number of various sub-topics.
- September 2. My younger and―as far as I knew then―only bother, whom I love dearly but never seem to show it enough, was born. One month later, to the day, I entered the first year of my Svadhisthana life cycle. I am nearly certain there are some findings of psychological study which show that siblings separated by seven or more years exhibit marked emotional separation. Before then, the breadth of the emotional gap correlates less significantly to the number of years between births. However, the gap forged across siblings born seven years apart may be so great, that strong emotional ties simply cannot develop. Double that however, and I believe there is evidence to the contrary. The sibling birth gap now comes full circle, opening a greater opportunity for the cultivation of tighter bonds. The far greater emotional development of the elder sibling, also allows for that sibling’s role to shift more toward one of mentor and/or caretaker.
- One crisp winter morning, two of Jehovah’s Witnesses came knocking on our door, and fairly echoed the words every human longs for:
“I hope someday you will join us. And the world will live as one.”(5)
- I met my biological father for the first time.
- I had an acute attack of appendicitis and an appendectomy, less than 24-hours later.
- I experienced multiple, spontaneous, unexplained full-body hive-outbreaks. Perhaps not in fact, but through the perception of my childhood mind, I recall them to be sometimes near the size of silver dollars.
- I developed asthma. The attacks came with increasing frequency and severity, from Emergency Room visits with same-day discharges, to Emergency Room visits with admissions over-night, culminating in Emergency Room visits with multiple-night hospitalizations.
- I fractured my tailbone (location of Svadhisthana; nerve plexus of Muladhara).
The sacral region (sacrum) is at the bottom of the spine and lies between the fifth segment of the lumbar spine (L5) and the coccyx (tailbone). The sacrum is a triangular-shaped bone and consists of five segments (S1 – S5) that are fused together.–Peter F. Ullrich, Jr., MD; http://www.spine-health.com/conditions/spine-anatomy/sacrum-sacral-region
- My nuclear family (Mom, Dad, Doug and I) moved in with my Grandparent’s. It was the same home I had lived in with my Mother, from birth until she remarried in January 1975. (My Dad is really my step-father, but he is totally “Dad” first and “step-father” second.)
- My Grandmother passed away.
- I smoked cigarettes for the first time.
- I got drunk for the first time; but not just drunk, I mean rip-roaring totally shit-faced drunk.
- I had my first kiss.
- I smoked pot for the first time.
- I gave away my virginity.
- After choosing to be baptized, as one of “Jehovah’s Witnesses'” some number of years before, I was ultimately disfellowshipped (marked, outcast & exiled) by the almighty fellowship of brothers & sisters of The Witnesses of Jehovah. As a result, (as she was unable to shake the infection for herself until decades later) my Mother was obligated to treat her own daughter as an outcast & exile as well. It was not her fault.
To be continued…
(1) I accidentally set the alarm for PM instead of AM, stood up two clients, and opened one hour late.
(2) In between writing this entry, I learned that Full Moon on February 7, 2012 (4:54 PM EST) is highly significant: The Aquarius Sun opposes the Full Moon Leo 18° 32’ with Saturn stationing retrograde midway through a seven week stay at 29° Libra. Mercury joins in, and Venus enters Aries within hours. This 2nd Full Moon of the New Year is known as the Snow Moon, Quickening Moon and many other names. In most parts of the world it is winter. This Full Moon represents the knowledge that good things are becoming evident though the present moment may seem dormant. It is a good month to make plans for the future. We can dream, hope, and set goals for ourselves, accept responsibility for mistakes we have made (and move on). We will do well to narrow our focus on personal achievements and advancement.
(3) Unless otherwise noted, all referential information in “Mandy’s Meditations” about Chakras and topics relating to them, come from Patricia Mercier, The Chakra Bible: The Definitive Guide to Working with Chakras, 2007. I welcome your feedback (including corrections, inconsistencies, and/or additions) regarding any of said referential information mentioned herein.
(4) I once believed in the concept of Soul-Mate…we throw it around so casually. Perhaps I am beginning to again…fodder for another blog.
(5) Sorry, John, no offense, and when you sang these words, the context was completely different. May the pure love of your Sprit, reflected in the music you made in this earthy life, continue to infuse us all and raise our frequency of consciousness whenever we are touched by the vibration of your song.